Love is Suicidal
by gymnastsanonymous07
Summary: You never came, she whispered as she fell unconscious, her battered body sprawled upon the bed left to die. Will anybody find her? Can anybody save her? This is just a section of the story...so R&R to find out what happens!
1. The Dream

A/N: hey people, this is my first fic, and it might've of been better if my friend would've been available to look over it for me. It may not be the best, but I tried! Well, thanks for reading it!  
  
Um, just another lil note! I'm just made a few revisions on this chapter by separating the paragraphs into smaller ones as a suggestion from a reviewer! She said, people can get lost in bigger paragraphs especially late at night. *shrugs* though I can definitely understand that! I didn't reword anything so no worries! *smiles*  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon  
  
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Chapter 1: The Dream  
  
Serena motionlessly laid on her bed deep in thought. Her velvety soft blanket comforted her as she lightly slid her finger back and forth across it. It had been two weeks since Darien had first started to avoid her. She looked up at her window as the sound of birds chirping filled the silence.  
  
'What could possibly be wrong now', she wondered. 'He doesn't seem to be troubled at all whenever I see him like he was when he had those strange dreams. He doesn't seem to care at all and now he's only spending time with Rini; I don't know what's gotten into him this time. Maybe he's...' Serena pondered on as Luna jumped onto the bed.  
  
"What's wrong Serena?"  
  
"Oh nothing," she replied with a sigh.  
  
"You can't fool me Serena, it's easy to tell when you're unhappy. Come on; I know I can't do much, considering I'm a cat, but maybe talking about whatever it is will help you."  
  
"Thanks for caring Luna," Serena said giving her a hug, "but I'm ok, just not feeling well."  
  
Serena gently laid her head on her satin pillow as she closed her eyes and exhaustion overtook her.  
  
"Poor girl," Luna thought, as she snuggled into Serena's arms.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(Serena's Dream)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
As Serena opened her eyes, she found herself in what appeared to be a castle. She looked around as she walked down a hall with no apparent end. The hall was outstanding from its shiny marble floor to its stain glass windows. With the sun shining through the windows, the hall was filled with brilliant shades of color. It was filled with unique and amazing sculptures that contained such intricate details.  
  
She stopped to look at one of a winged horse with a horn she recalled as Pegasus. She smiled remembering him helping them so long a go. As she lingered on the sculpture, something caught her from the corner of her eye. She quickly turned as she stood in front of a life-size portrait of a family.  
  
The portrait was dazzling as was the family. There was a man, a woman probably his wife and a young girl; she guessed it was their child. The man had jet-black hair and was attractively strong and muscular for his clothing showed it, but what caught her gaze were his eyes. Those piercing smoky eyes could seduce any girl. They were filled with mystery and yet comforting at the same time.  
  
'Hmmm, they kinda remind me of Darien's eyes.' He wore a white suit made of silk with a lavender cape attached to it flailing behind him.  
  
Next to him was his stunningly beautiful wife. She had long silky golden hair, put up into balls on the top of her head that glistened in the sun, as the rest hung down below her waist. Sitting on the top of her head, laid a dazzling tiara made of pure gold. In the middle was a ruby carved into a heart outlined in gold with more sparkling gems next to it making it seem even more glamorous than it already was.  
  
But just like her husband, her eyes were piercing too, except hers were ice blue and filled with such curiosity and happiness. Her full, red and luscious lips formed a comforting smile with the power to melt anybody who was greeted with it. Above on her creamy skin, a hue of pink spread across her face bringing out her high cheekbones.  
  
She had a slim structure and was wearing the most beautiful and extravagant gown Serena had ever seen. It was an ice blue, to match her eyes and had thousands of diamonds and jewels that were sown into it. It flowed down to her glass slippers clinging to every curve of her body.  
  
Now looking closely at her, you could see the delicate transparent wings that spread out behind her. Most would say they were attached to the dress to give her an angelic look, but in truth, they were part of her body symbolizing eternal life. Angel wings were only given to the purest of soul and heart and were never given to anybody for nobody had reached the standards...except her. She was simply perfect as Serena put it. She suddenly noticed a glowing of light on her forehead. She couldn't make out what it was except that it made her face glow even brighter.  
  
In between them stood the young girl, their child. She held the most cheerful smile on her petit face. She had cotton candy hair put up into two cone-shaped pigtails, but it shimmered just like her mother's. It hung to her shoulders, resting on her pale white skin. She had humungous cinnamon eyes that showed her excitement and delight just like her mother's eyes. She wore a similar dress to her mother, except it was white with cherry designs at the rim and had on shiny red shoes to match. Serena also noticed that the child had that same glow coming from her forehead that her mother had. She studied the portrait a bit longer with a puzzled look on her face.  
  
'Where have I seen them before' she thought, 'especially the kid. She looks a lot like'... Suddenly Serena stopped as a look of shock crossed her face.  
  
"Oh my God! That IS Rini!" she shouted. "If that's Rini, then...Serena's hand flung to her mouth, "then...that must be me and Darien!"  
  
Serena stood open-mouthed in front of the portrait. It really didn't look like her that much; then again this was the twentieth century where her and Darien were King and Queen and she'd already had Rini so of course she'd look different.  
  
"That must mean, I'm in Crystal Tokyo...and this must be our palace," Serena gasped.  
  
A bit more curious, she started walking again at a faster pace, in subject to explore her future home.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~some hours later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
After walking awhile, and still fascinated by the palace, she spotted a window in the distance with light pouring in from it. Anxious to see what the surroundings were, she ran toward the window. Standing on her tiptoes, she peered out of the window. A smile spread across her face as the scene before her unfolded. What she saw was a marvelous city. Millions of comfortable houses surrounded the palace, which was made of crystal, since the part she saw sparkled in the sunlight almost blinding her. The streets were filled with people as they greeted each familiar face. Everybody seemed so happy and at peace.  
  
'If this is what my future holds, I'm the luckiest girl, or should I say "queen" in the world,' Serena thought. 'It's like living in the perfect fairy tale.' Chuckling to herself, her smile suddenly turned to worry as Darien sprung to mind.  
  
'But how can this happen if Darien doesn't love me, or seem to love me,' she wondered, turning away. 'If he doesn't love me, this won't happen for we won't get married, and I can't marry another because we're destined to be together. MY HEART WOULD NOT LET ME EVEN IF I WANTED TO AND I DON'T!' Serena stopped. Her life was too complicated already, why make it even more confusing when the only thing this thinking was doing, was giving her a painful headache. 'Maybe this is a premonition, trying to tell me everything will work out,' she hoped, trying to be optimistic. 'Yeah, that's it!'  
  
A little more confident, Serena once more gazed upon the future Crystal Tokyo, though what she saw made her heart stop for she did not see Crystal Tokyo anymore, but a beautiful garden filled with blossomed roses and a star-filled sky twinkling above. But the thing that scared her most was the marble blue orb gazing back at her.  
  
"What happened?" she screamed, "one moment I'm looking at Crystal Tokyo, and the next, I'M ON THE MOON!"  
  
Serena rubbed her eyes making sure she was seeing right, but the blue planet still hung in front of her.  
  
"This can't be happening," she whispered, unconvincingly.  
  
Serena turned around and headed in the direction of the portrait, her heart racing. She spotted it and slid to a stop, a smile plastered on her face. Looking up at it once more, she frowned, for it had changed. The portrait still contained her and Darien, but no Rini. They certainly weren't King and Queen for they looked younger and were dressed in simpler clothing than what rulers would wear.  
  
She wore a flowing white dress that covered her feet, which contained many layers of ruffles. On the top was a sequence of golden circles with a small white one in the middle connected together in a straight line all the way around the top of the dress. On her shoulders were white silk balls with little cuffs at the edge. Around her neck, she wore a beautiful pearl necklace with matching pearl studs in her ears. In her hair also lay three small pearls in a straight line diagonal from each of her balls. That's what Rini had in her hair in that other portrait.  
  
Darien was dressed in a black armor with the design of a golden lion engraved in it. Underneath he wore a radiant shade of rouge that clung tightly to his arms and chest showing off his masculine body. He wore black silk pants with black shoes on his feet. Attached to his armor was a brilliant electric blue cape that laid motionless at his body with tiny creases in it. At his waist, hung his metal sword, light as a feather, but as hard as a diamond.  
  
He held Serena close with his hand resting on her waist as she rested her head on his shoulder. They seemed at peace, but something about Serena's eyes gave her a shiver. Her eyes looked happy, but deep inside they held a deep sadness unknown to the human eye.  
  
'Sadness that sure triggers a lot of memories, but this portrait is of course of us as Princess Serenity and Prince Darien. Serena concluded, for I remember it like it was yesterday. The pain and suffering we went through. Darien was only allowed on the moon for political and business matters, because the Earth and Moon were still at conflict even though no war had been declared.' Tears slowly made their way down Serena's pale cheek.  
  
'We fell in love, during times of peace, but when the disagreements and debates started, we were forbidden to love each other. We were simply told to forget each other and dismiss our feelings just like that. But by then our feelings were so strong, it was unbearable. So many times we tried to sneak off to each other's planet, but security was so strong, we were always caught and severely scolded. Even my mother, Queen Serenity, tried to help us for she was very fond of Darien, and supported our relationship, but even she failed.'  
  
'After a while, we just stopped trying. The pain, hurt too much so I only saw him at our meetings. I looked forward to those meetings and yet dreaded them, because all I could do was watch him. I couldn't kiss or even hug him. All that was required was a simple curtsy and a "hello". I soon became depressed for I felt all alone. I felt dead inside. Each meeting, he took another part of me with him, and little by little my soul died, till there was nothing left but an unfixable broken heart. Not long went by, before the day came when I committed suicide. I can still remember what I said to the witness' of my suicide. It was right in the middle of a meeting when I stood up and said...'  
  
"Excuse the interruption but I have something to say before the end..." People started to get this really confused look on their face that I almost started to laugh, but I remained with a serious look fixed on my face "...Thanks to you all, I've become dead inside. I once was alive, full of happiness and love..." at that moment I looked deeply at Darien and we held each other's gaze a few seconds before I continued "...until you took it away from me. You took what mattered the most to me and made it forbidden because of a stupid rivalry you made into a war.'  
  
'Now, I have nothing left to live for. You murdered my soul and left me with a useless broken heart that's unable to love anybody." At that moment, I turned to my mother and saw the insecurity and fear in her eyes. I didn't want to hurt her, but I could not live with out Darien, so with a deep breath I ended my speech "I will always love you mother and hopefully HE will always know I love him and will forever. Until the day we will finally be able to be together, I bid you all a farewell and the utmost hell for a future, for you have earned it." With that, I took a deep breath, gripped the dagger I had brought with me tightly as my life would soon be over. "Farewell!"  
  
'I uttered my last word as I plunged the dagger into my chest hoping the pain would end quickly... My body fell limply to the ground and I closed my eyes shut as light surrounded me. I remember hearing Darien scream my name as I stabbed myself and then feeling his body underneath mine, holding me as I died. I could tell there was another body on the ground close to mine, and by the sound of her "scream" I figured it was my mother. I longed to apologize, and comfort her, telling her it wasn't her fault, but I couldn't.'  
  
'For all I knew, suicide was the best way to deal with my sorrow. It had gotten to a point where talking to my closest friends, even my mother, was useless. Whatever they said to me, I never heard, for I always was aching for him. My suicide had a positive and negative outcome. Eventually Darien killed himself too, his grief too much for him to handle, and by then, the Earth and Moon had, had enough of all the misery.'  
  
' They made a peace agreement and their alliance to each other withheld, but no matter how many good things happened, Queen Serenity never smiled again after that day and banished herself to the depths of her room for the rest of her life. She became careless and cold-hearted, always hating and blaming herself for my death. The only time I recall that she smiled again was after I was reborn on Earth and Luna had taken me and the scouts back to the moon. She seemed really happy but I knew, I felt inside me, that she yearned to hold me, to go back in time and reverse the dramatizing events.'  
  
Suddenly Serena jumped, snapping out of her train of thought at the sound of soft music coming from inside the castle. She listened carefully trying to figure out what it was.  
  
"It sounds like some sort of waltz or ballroom music," Serena said, walking a way from the portrait.  
  
As she distanced herself from the portrait, the music grew louder and louder until finally she came upon a set of glass doors. She struggled with the handles, but gently pulled the doors open to a beautiful spacious room, lined with crystal chandeliers along the ceiling.  
  
At the far end of the room she spotted two silver thrones with the crescent moon symbol engraved into it, which she presumed was where she and her mother sat. Beneath the thrones lay a ruby red rug with golden tassels at the edge, which encircled the thrones. The whole room was marble floor except for a wooden dance floor at the opposite end of the thrones.  
  
Next to the wooden floor, stood a black marble Grand piano, and as she laid her eyes upon it, she sighed, for she loved the piano. Day after day she would stay late after school to play it when she was young. Feeling the slippery cool ivory keys underneath her fingers made them numb along with the cheery tunes that rang forth. Her music teacher even offered to give her free lessons if she promised to practice and so she played for many years till that fatal day when she was informed that her teacher had died from a heart attack.  
  
The staff still allowed her to practice after school, but it just wasn't the same anymore. It was so much fun to pluck away at those keys with her music teacher, sitting next to her, smiling and laughing, but now that she was gone, that feeling was gone too. She tried playing it again some months after her teacher's death, but couldn't bring herself to do it. After she left the school that day, she never laid another finger on a piano again.  
  
Tearing her gaze from the piano she felt tears form in her eyes as she quickly wiped them away. Suddenly the eerie silence became known to her as a light breeze trickled down her spine.  
  
"I wonder where the music went?" she wondered aloud.  
  
Standing in what she guessed to be the ballroom, she found herself staring at the looming shadows on the walls as her heart beat quickened. Hurriedly, searching for a light switch, she tripped over a flowerpot and fell, crashing to the floor. As the shadows now grew bigger, she squeezed her eyes shut and quickly jumped to her feet, finding the light switch.  
  
She clicked it on as the gloomy darkness was filled with light. She slowly opened her eyes as the breath-taking scene unfolded before her. The whole room sparkled in delight as the dance floor was now filled with couples. Serena blinked adjusting to the brightness, as her mouth hung open in awe.  
  
"Now I really must be going crazy," she thought, seeing the magically appeared group of people chatting away.  
  
She folded her arms feeling uncomfortable at some of the weird looks people were giving her when she noticed her normal clothes had been replaced by an elegant white gown, flowing down to her now glass slippers. She stared down at her dress when she heard someone call her name.  
  
"Serena, oh Serena."  
  
She looked up to find her mother, cheerfully smiling, sitting in the throne motioning for her to come over. She hesitated for a moment, and then slowly, taking a deep breath, started her walk across the room. As she walked closer, more and more gazes fixed upon her with little smiles plastered onto their faces. She became nervous as she approached her mother, not knowing what to do.  
  
She hadn't been a princess for over a thousand years, plus having not seen her mother just as long put butterflies in her stomach. She stopped in front of her mother, noticing a young man standing next to her. As her gaze lingered on him, she observed his ruffled jet-black hair, his piercing smoky eyes, and his muscular body. She knew those eyes. They could only belong to Darien, or rather Prince Darien presently. She smiled as he held her gaze.  
  
A/N: Well there's the first chapter! Review PLEASE! I want to know if it's any good! I'm begging you! *gets down on knees* I really want to know! I'm open for healthy criticism. Understand HEALTHY criticism, but nonetheless criticism. So push the button and give me a word or two! Thanks a bunch! ~Kelly 


	2. A Nightmare Unveiled

A/N: Sorry this took sooooooo long to post readers glare kelly cowers but school called and suddenly I was juggling 4 projects and 2 essays all at once! I promise that I will post quicker during the summer............unless my schedule is really busy, and in that case, I'll update ASAP! just to warn you, I did write some of Darien's thoughts in this chapter even though this is really Serena's dream and he's just part of it...but hey, a person can dream can't they!?  
  
Chapter 2: A Nightmare unveiled  
  
Darien's breath caught in his throat as his eyes rested upon the princess of the Royal family, Princess Serenity. A golden light seemed to glow all around her bringing the appearance of a goddess to her delicate features. Her shimmering golden hair was put up into two balls, while the rest cascaded down her cream colored back.  
  
She wore a glamorous silk white gown that would seem transparent to the touch as it clung to her fragile body and billowed out around her glass slippers at the bottom. Darien shook his head; she seemed too pure and innocent to even think those thoughts about her.  
  
She had an angelic face that was so flawless that one would hesitate before daring to touch it like it was some frail piece of glass that would break at the first touch. Her full pink lips formed a smile that seemed to hold some unknown invitation to the receiver. Her golden bangs adorned the side of her pale face, slightly covering her eyes. Darien resisted the urge to sweep away her bangs like it was some unknown crime to cover such beautiful and tantalizing eyes.  
  
His eyes lingered on her ice blue eyes; they were so beautiful and pure. As he held her gaze, it felt as if her eyes could see his soul. They bore into his eyes like she could read his mind, and he stood there captivated by her unending pools of blue that seemed to sparkle in delight whenever she smiled. He felt hypnotized by her eyes, and he suddenly felt like he was falling through an endless realm of blue when a voice brought him back to reality.  
  
"Darien, oh Darien?" called the Queen, smiling to herself.  
  
"What?" he answered turning back to Queen Serenity.  
  
"This is my daughter, Princess Serenity", replied the Queen presenting her daughter, "though it seems you've already noticed her". Prince Darien blushed at the Queen's statement, making her chuckle softly to herself.  
  
"Excuse my behavior Queen Serenity, but your daughter is just so radiant, that I couldn't help but stare", he responded charmingly.  
  
"It's a pleasure to finally meet you princess", Darien said bowing before her, but never leaving her gaze.  
  
"No, the pleasure is all mine, to meet you my dear Prince", responded Serena seductively, curtsying. Darien shivered at the sound of her sugary voice, lusting her, longing for her touch. She was simply perfect in his eyes. He smiled his dazzling smile at her, making her giggle, as a thought entered his mind.  
  
Holding out his hand, he asked, "Princess would you care to honor me with a dance?"  
  
Placing her hand in his, Serena replied, "I would love to, that's if it's alright with you mother?"  
  
"Of course dear, go have fun", Queen Serenity said, nodding to her daughter. A smile crept upon her flawless face as she watched the couple walk towards the dance floor.  
  
Gently enclosing his fingers around Serena's hand, Darien whisked her off to the center of the dance floor a smile trailing on his handsome face. He twirled her around with his hand as he placed the other hand firmly on her slim waist, closing the distance slightly between them. Serena placed her free hand on his shoulder already noting the familiar problem of him being too tall for her, luckily enough she had glass slippers on, making it less of an issue.  
  
She looked up at him as he stared down at her, their eyes locking into an unbreakable gaze, his stormy blue eyes clashing with her ice blue eyes, and as their eyes met a shock of electricity spread throughout their bodies leaving as quickly as it had come. They subconsciously jumped a part, confusion playing on their features, as they contemplated what had just happened.  
  
'That was weird', thought Serena, looking up at Darien for an answer, but he looked just as puzzled as she did.  
  
Darien looked back at the petit blonde and laughed at the confused look printed upon her features, causing a hue of pink to spread across her cheeks as she looked up at him with an indignant expression.  
  
"What's so funny", she questioned with her hands on her hips.  
  
"You just look so adorable", he responded while laughing. Serena blushed once more, as the conversation seemed to settle in familiar territory as she remembered her dates with Darien when he used to laugh at her and tell her she was beautiful each time.  
  
Being with Prince Darien right now brought back so many of those wonderful memories and the feelings she experienced during them. How she wished she could stay with him forever like this, wanting the pain to just go away. A single crystal tear ran down her pale cheek unnoticed by her when she felt Darien's warm touch wipe it away, as a rush of emotions swept throughout her.  
  
"Are you alright princess?" Darien asked, lifting her face to meet his wondering what could have possibly brought tears to the angel standing in front of him.  
  
Forcing a smile, Serena nodded. "Yes, I'm alright, just thinking about things I shouldn't be thinking about when I should be enjoying this wonderful time with you. I'm terribly sorry for burdening you with my problems", she replied, tears streaming down her face.  
  
Darien felt a pang in his heart in seeing Serenity so sad. Forgetting his lessons on being a proper and polite gentleman, Darien embraced Serenity securely, wrapping his arms comfortingly around her slim body, wanting the pain to end for her.  
  
Serena wrapped her tiny arms around Darien's neck crying into his chest, the tears ceasing to end. Darien nestled his head into her silky hair breathing in the scent of rose petals, sighing contently. Opening his eyes, he noted the eyes starting to stare at them in wonderment. Frustrated that people couldn't keep out of their business he leaned down by Serena's ear.  
  
"Privacy is obviously a lot to ask for here, so let's go outside, okay?" he whispered.  
  
Serena nodded as Darien led her off the dance floor out onto the deserted balcony, still holding her close. As they silently stood on the balcony, Darien gazed out and marveled at the everlasting beauty of the Moon Kingdom.  
  
Acres upon acres of flower bushes in full bloom stretched out over the garden below them. There were so many types and colors Darien had never seen or even heard of that his mouth hung open in awe. The smell of dew in the wind hinted at a recent rainfall, as drops of water laid upon the fragile flower petals, glistening in the night. The sparkling garden looked alive from under the thousands of stars that lighted the night sky, giving the atmosphere a sense of peace.  
  
A white marble fountain lay at the center of the garden with water pouring out from it into the basin below. A sculpture of an angel with long flowing hair stood atop the fountain, a faint smile upon her face reminding Darien of the angel in his arms. But what really captured his gaze was the blue orb of Earth that stood out so vividly from the rest. It looked like a big blue marble hanging in the sky just like the moon did when Darien saw it from Earth.  
  
Almost as if she read his mind Serena murmured softly, "The Earth is so beautiful. My whole life, I've waited anxiously for the day that I'll get to travel there and explore its miraculous beauty. Only in my dreams, I've imagined what it would be like there and it's so perfect it almost seems unreal. However, it seems that the one place I want to go is the only place I can't get to, like it's an unreachable destination. Almost like someone or something's trying to stop me from going there."  
  
With a sad sigh, Serena collapsed onto the cold stone floor of the balcony, her body shaking as tears overtook her. Darien crouched down next to her pulling her to his chest, embracing her in a secure and comforting hug.  
  
"Everything's just so messed up", Serena choked against Darien's chest, "nothing's right and everything I do goes wrong! I just can't win! No matter what I do to try to solve things they just come back and hit me in the face and all of a sudden I'm two steps further back than I was before. I just can't do it anymore......I give up."  
  
Darien pulled out of their embrace, lifting Serena's chin to his face looking down at her. Lifting his hand, he gently pushed aside a few of her bangs caressing her face as he went.  
  
Gazing deeply into her eyes, he whispered, "Don't give up Serena. You're too precious to everybody. What happened to that strong girl I've heard all about at home, huh? You can't let whatever is bothering you break you down, for the Moon needs you! Keep trying, you'll succeed, I know you will."  
  
"Oh Darien..." Serena cried as she burst into a fresh batch of tears, clinging onto Darien tightly. Serena nestled her head into Darien's chest as he gently rubbed her back soothingly. Darien listened to Serena's breathing return to normal as her sobs subsided, her eyelids slowly closing. Darien smiled adoringly at Serena as she slept. She looked so beautiful and peaceful with the stars illuminating her pale body in his arms, her golden hair shimmering in the starlight.  
  
(Some time later)  
  
Serena's eyes fluttered open as the cold wrapped around her body. Shivering, she looked around at the pitch-black darkness that had enveloped her.  
  
'Where'd Darien go?" Serena wondered, alarm in her voice. As she hugged herself for warmth, she looked down noting her change in appearance. No longer was she wearing an extravagant flowing gown, but instead, a raggedy old shirt and pants.  
  
"Darien...Darien?" she continuously called, "where are you? Don't leave me Darien, you can't leave me...I need you.........I'm so scared." Lying down again, she silently cried to herself, scared and confused until a soft noise caught her attention.  
  
"Serena, Serena, where are you?"  
  
"Darien?" she called, unsure if he was the owner of the voice.  
  
"Serena, come back to me. I need you Serena............Serena!"  
  
Standing up from the ground, Serena started to run towards the voice, her red eyes filled with tears streaming down her face.  
  
"I'm coming Darien! Where are you Darien?" Serena choked out between sobs. After what seemed like ten minutes, Serena stopped, wiping the tears from her eyes. An eerie silence enveloped her as she attentively listened for Darien's voice, her face flushed and heart throbbing against her chest.  
  
As minutes passed, Serena's hope slowly dwindled away, when all of a sudden a faint image of a person appeared before her far away in the distance. Squinting, she could only confirm that the person had black hair and a more masculine frame. Thinking it could be Darien, she started running towards him.  
  
As Serena drew nearer, she noticed a second pair of hands encircling the "man's" waist. Wondering if she had mistaken the man for Darien, she cautiously approached the suspected couple. Within seconds the head and body, which the other pair of hands Serena presumed belonged to became evident next to the man's body. Yes, it was definitely a woman's body Serena concluded.  
  
Serena's heartbeat quickened as she came within ten feet of the man and woman. Afraid of whom she might see she shut her eyes tightly, but after awhile the urge of curiosity gnawed at her heart. Slowly Serena opened her eyes and looked upon the man. Serena covered her mouth as a gasped escaped her lips.  
  
"Darien?" Serena whispered to herself. That raven black hair, that face, and those unmistakable stormy gray eyes. That had to be Darien, and yet it couldn't be. He would never betray her like this.......... would he? She could never be sure of Darien's actions anymore. He was a totally different person now. Serena's gaze turned to the woman next to Darien.  
  
The woman was tall and of slim stature with pale skin. She had cotton candy colored hair that cascaded down her slender body reaching past her waist. Her face was flawless with full cherry lips and a small quaint nose, but what caught Serena's gaze first were the woman's big cinnamon colored eyes, which seemed to hold some unknown secret.  
  
The woman gave the appearance of innocence and purity, but her secretive eyes caste upon her an almost malevolence look, which when Serena looked into them ran shivers down her back. Serena knew those eyes, especially at one time, those cold eyes. Trying to picture where she'd seen them, Rini all of a sudden popped into her head.  
  
Serena smiled at the thought of her and how adorable she looked when she was happy. Serena loved everything about her, though she wouldn't always willingly admit it. She loved her smile, her hair, her nose, and especially her cinnamon eyes when they sparkled in delight.  
  
Serena's face suddenly turned to ghostly white as terror filled her body. ".... her cinnamon eyes..." replayed in Serena's mind continuously. Serena shook her head, it isn't her, it couldn't be, it just isn't possible.........or is it? Flashes of the first time Rini came to Tokyo ran through her mind, when suddenly Serena remembered where she'd seen those cold eyes. She gasped as images of the "Black Lady" and those cold eyes flooded her mind.  
  
"Rini..." Serena said shocked as she glanced back at the couple now presumed to be Darien and an older version of Rini. Serena took a few steps back as Rini kissed Darien her arms wrapped around his neck as he pulled her closer his arms encircling her waist.  
  
Serena turned around and ran away as frustrated and confused tears clouded her vision. "This isn't happening...it can't be happening!" she mumbled to herself as she tried to wipe the tears from her face, "No...no, it's impossible...it isn't happening...no...I...I don't believe it! Nope! Don't believe it!"  
  
Serena ran blindly into the darkness as echoes of Darien and Rini's laughter surrounded her, ringing in her ears. Serena abruptly skidded to a halt as the figures of Darien and Rini appeared in front of her. Heart racing, Serena backed away in the opposite direction as she bumped into more figures of them.  
  
Serena jumped at the touch of them as she made to leave, turning away but was confronted again with their faces, eyes full of accusations. Serena quickly looked around for an escape hoping to find one, but with every turn, every direction she looked, the ghostly figures of Darien and Rini surrounded her, cornering her in like a rat.  
  
Shouting could be heard from the approaching figures as they circled around her pointing accusing fingers at her, their haunted eyes blazing at her.  
  
"...I hate you......I've never loved you......you mean nothing to me.." Darien's voice rang throughout her mind.  
  
"...no, no, Darien..." Serena muttered in her sleep as Luna woke up, eyes blinking.  
  
"Serena? Serena? Serena wake up, you're just having a nightmare", Luna spoke hurriedly worry worn across her features as she looked upon Serena's face, her brows contorted with tears seeping from her eyes.  
  
"No" Serena whispered to herself, "no he doesn't mean that....he DOES love you! You do mean something to him! No it's not true, he DOESN"T MEAN IT!"  
  
"You were so mean to me Serena! You never loved me...I hate you! You never took care of me, you were never there for me! How could you treat me like that! You could never be my mother!" the figure of Rini screamed accusingly at Serena.  
  
"No! That's not true Rini...I DO love you" Serena screamed back shaking her head "I really do...I'm sorry I was mean Rini but...I didn't mean to hurt you...and...and I tried to be there for you, I really did"  
  
"Liar" Rini yelled back.  
  
"No! No Rini, listen to me..." Serena shouted as her attempts to reason with Rini were droned out by the shouting and laughter that filled her mind.  
  
"...I never loved you...." "...you were never there..." "...you mean nothing..." "...you could never be my mother..." "...I hate you..." "...I hate you..."  
  
"No, no, this isn't happening" Serena cried as she fell to the ground, " stop! Stop it! I don't want to hear it...leave me alone!" Serena covered her ears shaking her head as tears streamed down her face.  
  
"Leave me alone! Stop it....STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Serena screamed as she sat up abruptly, her forehead drenched in sweat, nearly knocking Luna off her bed. Her body shook as she placed her hand upon her chest, her heart thumping wildly.  
  
She carelessly wiped away the tears upon her cheek as Luna slowly approached her.  
  
"Serena? Are you ok?" Luna whispered uncertainly her eyes upon Serena.  
  
Serena looked up at Luna, a forced smile upon her face as she quickly swiped the rest of the tears from her eyes.  
  
"Yeah, I'm ok Luna", Serena croaked, "just had a nightmare that's all"  
  
"Serena", Luna said sternly.  
  
"Luna, I'm ok, really I'm fine! You don't have to worry bout me," Serena responded, a false cheerfulness in her voice.  
  
Not believing anything Serena just said, Luna jumped off Serena's bed, uncertainty lingering in her eyes. Serena saw Luna's worried expression and smiled back at her reassuring her that she was ok.  
  
As soon as Luna was out of sight, Serena collapsed upon her knees, her head resting upon her arms as sobs shook her slender body ceasing to end.  
  
"Darien, why? Why are you doing this?!" Serena cried out to the night.  
  
A/N: Well, that's it! I repeatedly apologize for the delay in posting...its just like I said, school, no time, writers block...they all factor into it somehow. Anyway, I hope this chapter is as good as the first one, and maybe even better kelly smiles and it could be better if my beta reader would ever listen to me and help me...oh well...and I know the dream took up two chapters...and it may have dragged on a lil too long, but that's why you're here...to TELL ME!!!! Review!!!! Peeeeeeeez!!!! puppy eyes thanks Kelly 


	3. Inner Struggles

A/N: Hello everyone! And yes, I know, it's been forever, literally…geez, I don't remember the last time I updated with this story! And I feel awful, but I was literally road blocked! I couldn't think and didn't ever feel like writing. Well, imagine my surprise when I'm trying to sleep and I start dreaming up the next chapter for my story…well obviously I woke up and wrote them down, and then I wrote for an hour! Well, what do ya know…miracles DO happen! Hope it's fabulous!

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon

Chapter 3(so excited to write that): Inner Struggles

(Darien's apt)

"Huh!" Darien gasped as he sat up in a cold sweat, taking deep breaths as he looked around his dark apartment. His heart beating fast, pounding against his body. He leaned his head into his hands as his heart ached for her, needed her, wanted her…but, he wouldn't, he couldn't have her.

He could feel it, feel her. Feel her pain. He could hear the tears she cried every night as her heart broke repeatedly into smaller pieces, too small to pick up, too small to mend.

It never stopped, her suffering and it never would. And every night, as her painful cries echoed in his ears, he sat there, lost to her angelic voice as it lured him away, successfully taking a part of him with it.

He'd made her into the one thing he'd sworn to protect her from becoming; heartless, depressed, and full of pain. Every night he recounted all the choices he'd made and regretted every one of them; regretted everything he'd done to her.

But then that side of him spoke out defending his decision saying he was only doing this for her. He was protecting her. And every time he questioned this answer; this "reason" he had labeled it. Was that the reason he was doing this? Sure he was protecting Serena from getting physically hurt, but at what cost? Wasn't she hurting more mentally and emotionally now? Was he actually harming her more by protecting her?

Maybe it wasn't even about her, maybe it was all about him. He knew he couldn't bear to lose Serena, but hadn't he still lost her? What would happen if they were together? That evil woman would go after her, hurt her, even kill her, but wasn't Serena always saying that she'd rather die than be without him? Maybe it _was_ a bit selfish by not allowing her to decide how she would live her life. I mean what's better…living a short life loving someone and being loved or a lifetime full of loneliness and pain a part from the one person you love?

This war raged on continuously in his mind and every night his rational side some how pulled through, convincing him once more that somehow it was the right choice.

Sooner or later he'd see that she was dying a slow and painful death. Bit by bit, piece by piece. The hurt, the loneliness, the emptiness she felt inside was killing her, stabbing at her, but would he realize it soon enough to save her?

"Ahhhhhhhh!" Darien screamed out in frustration as he pounded his fists into the bed. He threw the covers back as he stood up and started pacing in his room. _Why Darien, why are you doing this?_ He grabbed his head as if attempting to pull her voice out, willing it to leave.

"Leave me alone", he shouted to his dark apartment, "I'm doing this for you! I have to!" He couldn't take it anymore, any of it! The looks, the questions, the tears…he stopped walking as he passed by the phone on his desk, an idea lingering in his mind. Would he dare?

Making a split second decision, Darien picked up the phone and dialed her number, his heart beating loudly in his chest. Minutes passed by with no answer, as he waited nervously for her to answer. He was about to hang up, when he heard a click as the ringing stopped.

"Hello?" Serena choked out, traces of crying apparent in her hoarse voice. Darien froze……………………

(Serena's room)

When would it end? she wondered. Why wouldn't her heart and body just let her give up already? Traces of tears stained her soft cheeks, as she rubbed her already reddened eyes. She felt so worn out, her body, her mind, all of it. All she wanted to do was relax and rest her body. She wished for all the months of stress and hurt to just wash away, to just leave her for one night's peaceful sleep.

"Ha", she laughed bitterly, like that would ever happen. It was such a heavy burden, something she didn't want to carry anymore. She'd gone and put herself out on the line, she'd fought so hard and long for him, but in the end it was just a waste of energy and time. She tried, given it her all, but it just came back and bit her in the ass.

Serena sighed, as she looked up, letting her eyes linger over a picture of her and Darien. But as tired as she was, as much as she wanted to give in, she couldn't. Something inside her wouldn't let her. And as much as she tried to deny that she didn't care anymore, she did. She knew she did. God, she just missed him so much. A lone tear, slid unnoticed down her face as the phone suddenly rang.

Serena jumped as the loud noise pierced through the eerie silence. She placed a hand upon her chest, trying to calm her heart as she quickly jumped out of bed.

She was about to pick up the phone when she paused, a thought lingering in her mind. She stood there like that in a sort of trance faraway from reality for a while, when Luna walked next to her hearing the phone.

"Serena? Serena!" Luna hissed quietly, trying to wake her from her reverie.

Serena blinked as she looked down at Luna questioningly when she noticed the phone still ringing. Quickly she picked it up, placing it next to her ear. "Hello?" she said uncertainly.

No answer, "hello", she repeated again confused at the silence on the other end. She was about to hang up when she heard someone breathing. She quietly listened, straining to hear some hint as to who the caller was, when an image flashed in front of her eyes.

"Darien?" she questioned, as she heard a gasp from the receiving end, "Darien! Talk to me! Please, answer me! Don't hang u—" She was cut off by the sound of the dial tone as it echoed inside her head. She stood there, a blank look upon her face as she slowly hung up the phone. She let her arm drop to her side as she walked over to her bed, gently sitting down.

"Serena?" Luna asked as she jumped onto the bed trying to read Serena's thoughts. Serena just sat there, staring out her window at the full moon. It's bright light shining through the night, illuminating the darkness. Some tears escaped down her face splashing onto her blanket, as she broke down once more on her bed, the pain stabbing at her heart again. That night she cried tears of red, red from the blood her heart now bled openly, her pain revealed for the entire world to see.

A/N: yes I know it's EXTREMELY short, but I thought I'd try and update w/e I could write ASAP! And since I've written so many other parts of the story, hopefully once I can write the beginning chapters to connect to those parts, updating will be a breeze…..one can only hope! D Review pleeeeez! They mean a lot!


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